Do you know how I came to write this blog post? I had crawled into bed after yet another adventure-filled isolation day and was SO ready to just sleep before someone ended up in my bed and/or demanded some kind of food off of me, breakfast, milk etc. Trying to slow my thoughts down which are always racing I started writing this blog in my head. I actually don’t usually like to do that. If I get an idea for a post, speech, or talk I thank myself for coming up with it and wait until I am at a computer to write otherwise, I lose my words and inspiration in my brain and not on a page.
I think what initially sparked these thoughts is that I have several people in my life going through some hard times. Infertility, marriage problems, severely sick children, being separated from loved ones overseas, death and more. My heart just breaks for them and I wanted them and each of you to know that I am thinking of you.
Something that I love and struggle with is the rate at which my brain processes information. Sometimes I will be talking to Nathanael and just a few seconds later can come up with a new topic. When explaining my train of thought and how I got there he is often just exhausted from having to listen to the speed at which my mind jumps from one thing to another. The wonderful thing about this is it gives me an ability to ponder quickly and deeply.
For example. I saw a beautiful older woman I’ve known for years put a post on Facebook about sweeping the floors and how she had missed a few hairs and would get them next time. I wondered if it was hard for her to complete all her housework, which took me to remember how inspired I feel at the effort she goes to, to serve others. Thinking about the times that she has been kind to me and those moments are many (like recently gifting me a nativity set I shared adoration for). I paused for a moment to think of my happiness for her and her new husband of a few years and wished in that moment, that her life is full of happy moments and love.
Every day I could honestly say I think about at least 10 different people like this. I keep my social media platforms to a limited amount of people so that I can see almost everything that people put up so that I can continue to grow my relationships with these people. While I love being able to feel connected to these people and take the time to think of them it often leaves me feeling completely overwhelmed and inadequate that I’m not able to do more for others. This inadequacy comes generally in two forms.
1 – I want to be able to help others so that they can experience joy. This might come in the form of giving them a break with kids, food, cleaning. It could also come in the form of sharing their company and lifting their spirits through friendship. For example, my brother is currently studying Medicine at Uni. He has 4 children aged 5 and under. I would love to be able to go and entertain the kids, give my sister in law a break, do a tidy up, let them go on a date, play some games and maybe even help feed them dinner. But with having my own two children and living over an hour away it’s just not something that can be done on any type of regular basis and so even though I have that deep desire to care for them and share my love with them, I’m not really able to do much in that way and so I feel like I am falling short and my love isn’t properly reflected.
2 – Other times it comes because I feel as though I don’t have a way to show how much I care for people. Someone in our lives recently lost their husband/dad/grandad. We love this family very much but with Covid-19 and the restrictions and also just general personal space (and those two kids again) I don’t know how to show them I am thinking of them pretty much EVERY DAY and have for WEEKS. It’s one thing to give them some flowers, send a message, offer help, but when I think of them, feel for them, and am here ready to love them. What can I possibly do so they can really understand how much I care for them? I can’t drop around flowers and cookies or whatever else I think they would appreciate every single week. So it leads me to feel as though I haven’t really shown them how much I love and care for them and so I feel deflated and unkind for again failing.
So…….I just wanted to share with the many of you that read my blog that I love you and I am thinking of you. I’m thinking of lots of people. Including a sweet baby girl (M) and her struggles, I’m thinking of her parents and the strain on them financially, I’m thinking of their future family life and the devastation that comes with such news. I’m thinking of those I know that are struggling with infertility (K). I am thinking of those that post on Facebook.
Wondering how your day is going. What you’re doing that brings you joy. What is going on right now for you that is a struggle? I’m thinking of my family that have lost business from Covid-19. (W&M) Wondering how it’s affecting your future goals and day to day lifestyle. I am thinking of those that put up sewing projects (masks for granddaughters) (SR) wondering how long it took you. If you enjoy sewing and if you had any challenges in your project. Wishing I could see the satisfaction on your face when you finish. I think about my Mama sitting in her chair knitting for others and wondering if she is thinking of those people and picturing them wearing their items.
Every day I think of my 6 nieces and nephews. Wishing I could see them play together. Oh, to be a fly on the wall and watch their triumphs, their laughs, their fights, their enjoyment of stories and movies and outside play. To watch them in their fairy gardens and to see their stories evolve. I think about my friends and family in different countries, states and even in my own street.
So, to all those that I think of, I am sorry if I am not able to express and find ways to show you how much I think and care for you. I want you to know that you are genuinely in my thoughts often and with deep feeling. If you are reading this blog and we know each other I can say I have thought of you very recently. I know that if I am thinking of you then there are others out there that are thinking of you too. You are so important and the big and small details of your life are important to me and to others.
This is why I love it when you share things on your social media and in person. When you talk about things going on. Share your talents and passions. Share your experiences. You are awesome and important and I’m here for it all…..and I hope you are too.
Love, Sarah Kay xx
