The Father that made us whole…

“Actions speak louder than DNA” – Unknown

How much happiness would be lost in this world if the only people that could care about us were the ones linked by DNA? There are so many of us that have special people in our lives because of connections outside of DNA. How grateful I am that others are willing to share their love.

The older I get the more I am appreciating the incredible sacrifice and rare love my Father has shown unfailingly. Nathanael will be 35 this year which is the same age that my dad met my mum. My mother used to attend playground with us two children when she met a lady named Janet. She formed a good friendship with this lady and they would regularly catch up. Janet’s brother Alan would visit from Melbourne sometimes and on one particular visit mum went over to Janet’s house to cut/colour Alan’s hair as she was a hairdresser. This is where they started talking and realised, they enjoyed one another’s company and continued to correspond after this meeting.

Being a single mum, we went with her to this first meeting and I just wonder what would have happened if the sight of two children roughly 4 and 5 (although incredibly well behaved, lovable, quiet, well-mannered and completely obedient) were ‘too’ much for him where our lives would be otherwise.

Would my mum have remained a single mother for the rest of our childhood or at least part of it? Would we have started school without a father figure in our lives? Where would my brother be without the necessary loving guidance of a father?

Dr Bruce Robinson, University of Western Australia, and author of Fathering from the Fast Lane, has estimated the cost of fatherlessness in Australia to be over 13 billion dollars per (Robinson, 2001)

It has been proved repeatedly in studies across the world that children in a fatherless home are multiple times more likely to have issues in areas such as poverty, lowered education performance, increased crime activity, increased drug abuse, sexual problems, self-worth issues, physical and mental health problems, and an increased risk in physical and sexual abuse.

Coming from an already vulnerable childhood I can’t even begin to imagine what challenges may have come my way if I wasn’t blessed with my father.

I think of those that are in this position and my heart aches for you…my biological father took his own life which was outside of my control and my father CHOOSING to commit to our family was too outside of my control. A lot of what happens is not something we can change and sometimes we need to deal with the situations and trials that are handed to us (this will be in a future blog very soon). I am beyond grateful that my father in those early moments allowed his heart to be softened, allowed his heart to be opened and allowed himself the opportunity to listen to his heart and hear the joy and happiness that could come from choosing to be with us all.

To actively involve and commit yourself to an abuse survivor, traumatised children and mild disabilities wasn’t an easy challenge. I reflect on many moments throughout my childhood where what was being dished up from us kids would have been enough to break parents. There are plenty of men that would have left and I would have understood that.

How my family has been so blessed to have someone so pure in heart to accept us in that moment and NEVER speak or act otherwise is amazing. It takes a truly remarkable person and I have the privilege of calling him Dad. My favourite is when we go out together and meet people and they tell us that we ‘look’ alike. I love to just smile and say “thank you” like it’s the greatest honour to hear that.

Now don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of things about him that drive me/us all crazy. Like his morning routine which has to be at least 60-90mins and the moment he walks out of the room, he is wondering why we all aren’t ready to go. (like the car just packs itself, or children just magically get ready, or the food needed for the BBQ just makes itself).

I also feel confident in saying that my dad has one of the smallest bladders ever! A couple of years ago went away on a big family holiday with 4 cars involved. Within the hour we were on toilet stop 2 or 3 and it was decided for everyone else’s mental health that the 3 other cars would leave the repetitive toilet break car behind so we didn’t go crazy.

So even though he sometimes is annoying like the rest of us and this blog will be completely unnecessary for him (a simple, Happy Father’s Day would be more than enough). I wanted to share my thoughts.

So Dad, thank you.
Thank you for accepting us with all our flaws and challenges and loving us anyway.
Thank you for always treating us, talking about us and supporting us as though we were made from you.
Thank you for being a kind and gentle figure in our lives.
Thank you for being firm when necessary and generous with your love.
Thank you for letting us be on your Netflix and Spotify accounts.
Thank you for never asking for anything in return for your love.
Thank you for saving us from a childhood and adulthood of increased risk and sadness
Thank you for the generational love you are now giving
Thank you for supporting us in everything that we have wanted to do
Thank you for healing a hole in my life that could never have been healed were it not for you
Thank you for loving my mother and bringing her great joy and happiness
Thank you for making our family whole

You are my father, my friend, my advocate, my ‘honest’ supporter (eg. You’re brother is a better singer than you), my protector, my financial sponsor of take out, my answer to a little girls prayer.

You’ve given me more in my life than I could ever hope to repay although I would say my kids are pretty cute.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Love your little girl,
Sarah Kay, xx

P.s. To my husband. You’ve given me the most amazing girls and I love watching you support them and encourage them. They say you marry your dad and how blessed I am that you carry those same loving qualities. xx