Travelling is always exciting and full of adventures, highs and lows. Everyone experiences travelling differently but I am sure pretty much all of us can agree that the return flight home, full of long flights, tiredness, jetlag and layovers is exhausting. After 50hrs+ of flights, airport bench naps, layovers, lost luggage, customs, Uber’s and a train came one of the most special experiences I’ve ever had. A conversation that would change my life and perspective.
We were catching the train home after our returning flight from Italy, March 2019. Being 33 weeks pregnant I was definitely getting to the end of my limit. We hadn’t planned a way of getting home from the train station to our house. Only about 5km or so. When we landed it was about noon and I posted on our church Facebook page asking if anyone could come and grab us and give us a lift back. We all pretty much live in the same suburb so it would only be about 10-15mins of help.
I checked my phone and saw I had a notification. One of the older men in our church had instantly committed to help. He is such a lovely and humble man. He lives a basic and simplistic life with his wife. Being from El Salvador his English is limited and it can be a struggle sometimes to understand him but you can always feel his kindness. Here he was 30mins after I popped my post up waving to us from his older run-down car, loading our bags into the boot and ready to take us home. How generous he was and how grateful we were to be just minutes away from home rather than staring down the barrel of another bus or Uber.
On our short journey home, he asked about our trip and shared his love of Italy. Coming home for us was actually a unique experience. 7 years we had waited to take this trip. We had left our little almost 3yr old behind and spent time together as husband and wife. Coming home meant leaving that dream we had for so many years behind us and looking forward to our baby arriving and our family growing from three to four people. I remember sitting in the back of the car and taking a deep breath and appreciating what this car ride home meant for me, my marriage and my family.
As the conversation continued, he asked about my pregnancy and the baby. He asked if we were having a boy or a girl. We mentioned that we needed another scan to confirm the gender and then he said 8 words that changed everything for me.
Backtrack a little bit here…from early in our engagement in 2012, we felt as though our first child would be a girl and that her name would be Annabelle. We also felt that the next child would be a boy. This is something we just ‘felt’ and after having Annabelle kind of rolled with that being the way things would pan out. We didn’t feel any uneasiness over it and so when at our halfway scan we were told by the sonographer that she thought she saw the baby’s gender as a girl but we would need to wait until our next scan at 33 weeks to confirm I was confused. All these years I had pictured a life with a girl and a boy. Now I was being told I would have two girls. Sisters. Something I’d never grown up with. It was a strange feeling and one that took time to settle with. In a way after trying for a long time to conceive it almost felt like I was mourning the loss of having a boy.
I decided I would wait until the next scan to confirm the gender of our baby and roll with the emotions of it all then. Maybe she was wrong as she wasn’t actively ‘looking’ for the gender and only saw it in passing. Maybe things will change. I was hopeful and holding out for that news over those weeks of waiting. So, when I’m sitting in the back of our elder friends’ car and he is asking about our baby’s gender, I was reminded that the time has come for me to accept what will be and then he said it….8 words that now will hold a place in my heart so deeply. He said in his unclear and beautifully humble voice “God will give you exactly what you need”.
Instantly I felt the tingles in my body. I knew in that moment that whoever was about to come was going to be what I/we needed, be that a boy or a girl. Every part of my soul was touched and all the feelings, anticipation and what-ifs were gone. I felt peace and I felt excitement. Now I was looking for what was most important. I was looking for the ways in which this baby would be what we needed. How? In what way? What do we need? What will this baby bring? After our scan confirmed we were having a girl I looked forward with love and hope. Show me what I need. Let my baby be my guide.
And let me tell you. He was absolutely right. Claire has been the gift from heaven we needed. She has brought a light and a warmth to us that has carried us through some hard times. Claire has helped all three of us to develop and grow a new kind of love and happiness.
I have watched her be the answer to so many prayers. A sweet innocent little child day after day, month after month rescue, support and uplift our family individually and collectively. Claire’s nature is one of complete determination, joyfulness and ease.
Claire has this vibe around her, she brings such genuine honest joy to those she is with. She is scarily independent. (A display of this is when at 9mths on the dot, she stood in the lounge room while I was sitting folding washing, Annabelle was playing next to me in the dollhouse and she stood up, took 10 big steps, fell over and tried again, all while not even glancing over to me for any type of assistance or support. She was neither walking towards me or anyone, just doing her thing. Silently achieving).
Claire adores being around her family. She loves to play with us all and has built a special relationship with the three of us that is beautiful and moving.
I love watching her adore her sister completely. Standing at the trampoline, screaming at Annabelle to pull her up and bounce her until she repeatedly falls over. I love when she pulls her hair for attention because she loves to see Annabelle smile. When Annabelle is meant to be going to bed and she comes bursting through the doorway in the middle of reading bedtime books and Annabelle requests that we leave so they can have a quick (rebellious) play together when they should both be asleep. I love when we are driving and I can see in the review mirror a sweet little baby hand poking out of her seat and Annabelle holding it (and sometimes slipping her food, sneaky girls). I see it all and I am blessed by it all.
Annabelle isn’t the only one to have a sweet connection with Claire. Nathanael’s bond with Claire is a subtle but powerful one. Fun fact about Nathanael – he will eat the EXACT SAME breakfast every day and has for YEARS. Sometimes he will even turn down an offer for a fun breakfast (eggs, pancakes etc) so he can eat his ‘Weetbix and Muesli’ haha. Claire is very happy with this consistency as she knows every morning when she sees the round white bowl that it’s go time. All I hear is a little grunt and she is being slipped a spoonful of breakfast and suddenly enjoying ‘morning time with Dad’.
What I love about their Daddy/Daughter relationship is the way Claire makes Nathanael smile. Nathanael being a happily simple guy will often observe situations and will be happy without his face necessarily turning into a big ‘smile’, but with Claire……the incessant need for climbing things, bolting into his office when the door is left open while he works from home due to ‘Rona, and the constant delivery of “Heeeeeey” any and every time she sees him is magical because I am blessed with the sweetest smile of pure joy. She can’t help but make him beam and it fills my soul.
And then there’s me…my turn. My sweet baby Claire. I have been blessed the most. I get to spend the most time with you and that is exactly what I crave. Days filled with YOU. Thank you for being exactly what I needed. Thank you for sending me the clear message that being authentic to one’s self can bring others immense joy. Thank you for showing me a beautiful example of how to roll with the punches (in your case all things Annabelle and second child problems).
Thank you for lighting a part of my soul that I needed to feel. I waited so long for you and in a brief moment you’ve grown and moved on from being a baby. (Absolutely too fast and devastatingly so). I only hope that as you continue to grow that I can grow with you. I’ll try to keep up. Know that before you came my heart was hurting and I knew I needed to begin to heal it and then Heavenly Father sent you to me. He knew that through your love and your life I could feel hope and peace for my future.
I want you to know there have been many moments when I have sat with you. Holding you tightly and appreciating that you are here and that you are part of my everything.
Don’t get me wrong, you still cry, throw tantrums and sometimes wake too many times throughout the night but overall you have given me more than you will ever realise and I love you.
Happy 1st Birthday to an angel sent from Heaven. I will forever treasure this year we have spent together and the moments we have shared. I can’t wait to see who you will continue to become and the lives you will undoubtedly continue to change. Because surely, for a baby whose first word is “hello”, if that isn’t an invitation of love for one another, I’m not sure what is.
“God will give you exactly what you need” and that’s exactly what He did, and I am forever indebted.
Love, Sarah Kay xx
<<<<<<<<< P.s. Happy Birthday to Claire’s birthday twin Penelope. A sweet childhood friend who I spent almost 20 years growing up with had his first baby just 3 hours after Claire. May our girls share the same love and friendship we were blessed with.
That was so lovely to read Sarah, and I hope Claire and Penny do get to be firm friends in the future.
Looking forward to getting some photos of the two of them together. x