For years I had anticipated what my next birth would look like after Claire. I wondered, hoped, dreamed, wished, prayed and anything else you can do to imagine and prepare for the next time I would birth my child. Having experienced two labours before with complications, disappointments, and lack of awareness I wanted something different for myself this time.
This desire was strong and therefore came with a ‘Sarah Action Plan’ to achieve it. It started around 16 weeks when my mind started believing that we were going to keep this pregnancy and that I would need to birth them. I recognised through mindful thinking that I was in a negative head space around the possibility of having a positive birth experience.
At the time I was wrapping up my therapy for my eating disorder (which I look forward to sharing with you sometime soon) and I had the opportunity to spend a few of my last sessions talking about birth. As I spoke with my therapist, I noticed that I was conditioning myself to believe that something out of my control would happen again and would take away the option for me to birth as I wanted.
For Annabelle it was my waters breaking with meconium (baby’s first poo) and requiring me to be induced during my labour, which happens in about 10% of births. With Claire, it was having to go through a posterior labour (where the baby is facing the wrong way) which is again in only about 10% of births and it usually results in a significantly more painful labour which was my experience. So, this time I remember thinking “What will it be? Breech? Emergency C-section? What will happen that will take away my choices?”
As I spoke about this with my therapist, I decided that I would delve into books, podcasts, stories etc to work at being in tune with my underlying fear and replacing it with knowledge and proven practices to give me the best chance at having a positive birthing experience.
As the weeks passed along and I jumped into the relevant content something kept popping up in my mind. I had heard about it a while ago and thought how cool it would be but hadn’t really thought about it being an option for me. One day I spoke about it with my mum and asked her thoughts on it. Her reaction was what I expected it to be and so I moved on…..well, I tried to. A few weeks later I spoke about it with a friend while she was over on the school holidays. Her response really struck me. Not only was she fully encouraging me to do it but she then offered to do it for me and told me how much I deserved to have something like this for me.
Naturally, I thanked her and brushed it off. But as the weeks passed it stayed with me. After weeks of going back and forth in my mind, I decided that I was going to do it. I was going to have my own ‘Mother’s Blessing”. Traditionally it is called a ‘Blessingway’ which is an old Navajo (Native American) ceremony in which to celebrate the rite of passage for a woman into motherhood.
Essentially it is an opportunity for the important women in your life to come together and perform different activities, ceremonies, pampering etc to the mother-to-be in a way that signifies this journey they are about to embark on. In a way similar to a baby shower but with the focus to be on the mother and her emotional/physical needs.
I was incredibly nervous to hold such an event. I felt that maybe it would come across as self-centred of me. Perhaps my family or friends wouldn’t understand my needs or desire for it? Maybe it wouldn’t make sense as this wasn’t my first child. It made the most sense to hold it at my mother’s house as the majority of attendees lived in her town. This required my mum to be the ‘host’ and for someone who had never heard about this event before let alone has never spent a day in her life seeking any type of attention for herself it seemed I was asking a lot.
What I knew though is that I wanted to be a part of something bigger. I knew that I needed this and I wanted to show the women around me and the younger girls in my life that moving forward this is something they can have, they deserve and if they so need is available. I wanted to be a voice for mothers out there that they are important too. Of course, the baby is important but so is the mother and her new journey that she is going on, whether for the first or tenth time.
So, we sent out invites and started planning. Now a Mother’s Blessing is different for everyone. There are a range of activities that can be performed or participated in. This will come down to personal preference, finances, likes, interests, and beliefs. The whole idea behind it is to remove the negative energy and replace it with positive energy ahead of the birth.
One of the things I wanted to do was invite everyone to bring a bead or for those that physically couldn’t make it due to commitments or distance to send in a bead with a poem, note, story, well wishes etc. These beads would be taken and made into a bracelet or necklace and would be worn or hung up so the mother can have them with her in labour and be able to remember all the women in her life that are supporting her and cheering her on. As I had people that weren’t able to attend, they sent these in advance to be ready for the day.
As I received RSVP’s I was overwhelmed by the responses. I had women coming who weren’t mothers but appreciated the invite and shared how while they couldn’t relate to being a mother, they could relate to being a woman with emotional needs and looked forward to being there. I had friends committed to coming from over 2 hours away and even picked up another friend on the way who didn’t have a car that weekend and who they had never met.
I had family who were driving away from Toowoomba to Brisbane (1.5 hours) that morning, who drove back to Toowoomba for the event only to then need to return to Brisbane that night. I had family drive 1.5hrs each way and couldn’t even stay the entire time. Friends who cut work off for the day early to attend. Family who brought a special cake and flowers. Women all around me were fully supportive of the event, attending the event and even proud of me for doing this.
I was completely blown away. Just the response in RSVP’s already filled my cup and exceeded my expectations of the event before we even had it. To share how grateful, I was would be an understatement of my true feelings of gratitude.
This was truly such a special occasion so I’ve broken the blog into two parts. If you’d like to continue reading please click here.
Love, Sarah Kay, xx
