It’s the most wonderful time of the year….and it is. I LOVE Christmas just like so many others. What I love about Christmas is the opening of people’s hearts. I feel like the birth of our Saviour has a way of helping even those more ‘grinch-like’ to soften and show love in the best way they can manage.
What I also love about Christmas is that it is closely followed by my next favourite time of year…NEW YEARS. I know so many of you cringe when you think of New Years and the ‘resolutions’ that people are gearing up for only to ‘fail’, but I crave it (not the failing part).
In saying that it seems as though lots of people are getting to the end of each year and posting some kind of joke meme either about how ‘bad’ 2019 was or how they hope that 2020 will be so much better for them. Now I am sure that there are so many individuals and families that perhaps have had an extremely challenging year. I’m sure setting out to begin 2019 there were hopes and aspirations for many wonderful things and sometimes it’s out of our control what has been dealt to us.
I don’t know what’s going to happen in the next year for you. Of course, I wish happy days and growthful (making a new word there haha) memories. I wish the same for me too but it’s just not guaranteed.
We only get ONE chance to live the next year of our life and whether it goes a bit pear shaped on Jan 1 or May 8th or even finishes in the terrible “ber” months (stole that one from a friend) we have to keep working all year to continue to make it a ‘good’ year. That doesn’t mean that if my mum dies in January that I work to have a big smile of my face all year, repeating a mantra that 2020 “HAS” to be a good year, it means that I work to grow when I can. It means that I keep doing things that make me stronger as a person. It means that I find joy and happiness in the smaller things. It means that when I’m in the right mindset I take a deep breath and remind myself of the things that I am grateful for.
I want to get to Christmas/New Years each year for the rest of my life and be able to make peace with the year just gone. Some years are definitely not going to be on my life’s highlight reel but I want to be able to take a deep breath and say “thank you for what I did get from *insert random year*”.
So, looking forward to 2020. A new year, a new decade, whether you are right into setting goals for the year, whether you are thinking about setting the same ‘resolutions’ you have set for the last decade or whether in 2020 we are still caring about wanting to lose weight…
I wanted to share my 5 tips to help guide you throughout the year to give you the best chance of a peaceful and grateful reflection on 2020 when the time comes.
- Looking for and finding joy in the smaller things.
When we start new year, I think a lot of us have great plans to have all these ‘big’ things happen. I’ve got siblings that I am sure would LOVE to get engaged or married. I’ve got a friend who would definitely LOVE to buy a house for her family, I know beautiful people that would LOVE to have a baby or fall pregnant. Or others wanting to graduate uni, get a big savings account, travel overseas, get a promotion, etc.
While these are amazing things to strive for what happens if we don’t get these things? I remember trying to conceive Claire for all of 2017 and not being successful. I felt like I had a disappointing year in not achieving my goals. What I had missed out from not looking at the big picture was the blessings I got from the smaller things. Like my baby walking meaning she was healthy and strong, being able to visit friends on holidays because it meant that I had people that cared about me. Welcoming a new nephew because it meant that others in my family were successful in their goals which brings me joy. Even the growth that I went through from not falling pregnant was an incredible blessing.
I remember saying to Nathanael in June 2017 after a year of trying that all the things I had learnt so far from this trial were so valuable to me that if I had the chance to go back and trade that knowledge and growth for an instant pregnancy, I wouldn’t.
I’d love for you to achieve these ‘big’ goals but we need to continue to look for the wins. Perhaps your kids came home for Sunday dinner most of the year. Perhaps you finally mastered a new yoga pose. Maybe you made a new friend at your work because you DIDN’T get that promotion.
If we constantly look for the big items to fill our happy cup, we are going to be disappointed. I promise though as you fill it with smaller things that they will add up enough to overflow it by the end of 2020.
2. Changing up your goals.
This is a good one! Hands up those of you who are going to strive to lose weight, go to bed earlier, eat healthy, save money, quit smoking, get organised etc. Great goals…however if they are the same ones you have been working on for quite a few years I suggest you change them up a bit. Perhaps you’re not quite ready in your life to conquer that goal entirely.
What are some smaller steps you can take to bring you success in achieving ‘part’ of that goal or something similar? Losing weight for instance. Sure I’d happily take some weight loss in 2020 if that opportunity comes my way but for me I am more interested in becoming stronger at the gym, healing my ab separation after baby #2, keeping my back healthy and protected, being able to lift, run, jump, walk – higher, faster, stronger.
Trying to quit smoking? Could you make a goal to be smoking less each month of the year? It could be by 1 cigarette a week/month but that’s 12/52 less a year. Improvement is always going to be better than partial success that retreats back to complete failure.
Trying to go to sleep earlier? Try picking one night a week as your early night and make plans in your week around that night so you can prioritize getting a restful night rather than having a rigid bed time which is unrealistic.
Changing up your goals will add more excitement and motivation to improve. Any type of improvement by this time next year is an absolute win!
3. Not giving up on the year.
In Jan of 2010 and 2011 a cousin of mine passed away each year. Connor in 2010 and Sam in 2011. I was in grade 12 and first year out of high school respectively. I remember thinking “great, just when I was hoping for a ‘better’ year this happens”. I had mentally set myself up for one of ‘those’ years. Each time something else happened I would attribute it to the start of my year not going right. WHAT A WASTE!
Don’t get my wrong those years were hard. I faced many other challenges those years but the year is not over until we all shout Happy New Year! Maybe (hopefully not) your year starts out less than intended or you don’t seem to catch a break but don’t give up on the year. There are always blessings around the corner and as we look for these in the future months, we will be able to bring more positivity into our lives which no matter what happens is going to be the deciding factor in whether or not we are happy.
4. Healing is hard and painful but always essential.
Another hands up if you are still holding onto some kind or guilt, grief, grudge,, guile or even gut or any other ‘g’ going on around here! All of us are going to be bringing some kind of baggage into 2020. That’s just the way the human body and mind works.
If you want to be here in a year’s time making peace with what went down in 2020 you are going to have to do some healing. So many of us are shy and hesitant when it comes to getting into our minds and feelings but without doing that you are basically adding bricks to your baggage making it heavier and heavier while hoping to be feeling lighter and lighter as the years go on. Sorry, but that’s not going to happen.
Healing is hard. Its confronting, it’s messy, it’s emotional and a lot of times it can break you before you mend, but it is essential. Do you really want to be carrying this same baggage into 2021 and beyond? I know I don’t. I want to drop off as much as I can as the years go on.
Something I’ll be sharing more about in 2020 is my journey to healing my eating disorder. About 99% of you wouldn’t know that it’s something I’m carrying around in my baggage it is HEAVY and I am tired of carrying it around.
I know I’ve got a tough year a head of me. It’s going to involve counselling which means time away from my family, relying on others to help with the girls, social struggles, failure, disappointment, lots of money, anger, frustration, probably some jealousy but when I finish 2020 I know that I would have left some of those bricks behind and that excites me and fuels me to want to start.
5. Decluttering your life is a priority.
I hear it ALL the time. I need to get rid of “XYZ”. Whether that be physical possessions, phone usage, toxic relationships, expectations. We all need to constantly be decluttering. See the photo below of my 5th decluttering pile at least for the year. All now GONE!
My mum is in the process of moving house after having lived there for about 2 decades!! She keeps asking me what she should keep or let go of. I keep telling her that when she dies, I’m keeping the money and getting rid of about 95% of her belongings. My brother is in agreeance with me. We love our mum and if/when the time comes I know it won’t be so clear cut as that but my mum’s belongings aren’t what are going to bring me joy in ‘remembering’ her. Following her example of serving others, not judging others and being a permanent bringer of unconditional love is where I will find and cherish the memories of my mother. (I mean, don’t stress guys, it’s been made quite clear she’s not allowed to die) but its the same with my things. If we all were to pass, I hope what is left behind is donated to those in need and then tossed.
Same thing goes for all aspects of our lives. Get off your phone. I love you people but if you’re not on Facebook because you deleted the app…I’ll message you. Delete the games and tell me about a book you just finished reading. Whenever my Sister in Law is around I enjoy listening to my husband ask her what books she has just read because she is ALWAYS reading. I have no clue what’s on her phone…
Get rid of your stuff, you don’t need it and if you do, have you heard of Kmart? Get rid of your phone usage, develop a love for being entertained in other areas, commit to going to one less event where someone there bothers your soul (your mental health is a priority) and for the love of everyone get rid of your unrealistic expectations.
Just today my mother said I am so hard to buy gifts for because of my expectations, and she WAS right. I WAS so hard because I had these unrealistic expectations. Now I am way less fussed and try to remain grateful that I am blessed enough to get given a gift any time of the year. I mean, that’s a real luxury right there.
Decluttering your life will help to simplify it which allows your eyes and mind to be opened to the pure joys of this life.
2020 is your year to improve in any way, big or small. I believe in your ability to achieving more wholeness and more awareness of the happiness that is already happening around you.
Let’s do this together, yeah?
Love Sarah Kay, xx
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